Chapter 31: Today is my 19th birthday

One very interesting thing I noticed about being taped and then seeing the tape later in the day is that you can’t forget yet. You still remember what you were thinking when you see yourself doing something. I remember what I was thinking when I took a leak on the fire, but on the video, you don’t see what I was thinking.

In documenting on video a long activity I participated today, and watching it afterward, I was fortunate enough to see an hour and a half of myself, candid on camera, and I thought I’d share some of my impressions.

I am a ham. When I knew I was being watched I acted a little wilder, when the camera was on me, I was a little more likely to do things then when it wasn’t.

I am stubborn. At one point I insisted that regardless of how we did something, that I was fine with it as long as it wasn’t Branden’s way of doing it.

I am bossy. I grabbed things out of other people’s hands all the time, told people what to do, choose procedures for the entire group, and argued when others decided that they had a better idea.

I am slightly conceited. It took watching me work with others on the video for me to realize how little I actually was doing, and how much of the work I was making others do. At the time it didn’t occur to me, because “obviously the work I was doing was important.”

In realizing all this, everything here is based around an inflated opinion of myself, my views, and other peoples views of me. I guess on the plus side is that I won’t deal with depression a hell of a lot in my life, but other people may not view my healthy self-esteem as positively as I may






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