Chapter 111: Pop vs. Soda, or Why the Human Race is Doomed

Merriam-Webster says:

Under soda, definition 2a says: see soda pop.
Under pop, usage 2’s definition 3 says: see soda pop.

Soda pop, of course, is defined as a beverage consisting of soda water, flavoring. and a sweet syrup.

If someone says soda in a context in which a reasonable person could assume they were talking about a beverage of some sort, then that reasonable person might possibly and without further comment construe they were referring to soda pop. Likewise, if I were to ask someone, “Hey, you got any pop?”, it would be reasonable to expect that rather than self righteously divulging his or her personal preference in slang terminology, they might just answer the question. Instead, we argue over whether it’s called soda or pop, or soda pop, or heaven forbid just “coke“. Because of course one of them is the right answer.

The problem is that none of them are the right choice. They’re just words that are shorthand for soft drink. Whether you say pop or soda has absolutely no relevance in any possible interpretation of any grand scheme of ANYTHING. So why do we argue?

Because we, as human beings, are incredibly fine tuned into noticing and ostracizing each other for the tiniest differences, no matter how inconsequential. Your favorite sports team, music, food, the color of your hair (/eyes/skin/pants), your locality, nationality, religion, anything. Even our choice in what we call certain tasty beverages.

And that’s why we’re doomed. Doomed to argue over things that don’t matter. What do you think happens when we have to argue over things that really do matter?

I’ll give you a hint: we’re all gonna die.

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