Today was a day I will always remember. This morning I saw over a thousand people die. I heard a plane crashed in my town, and I nearly punched a wall because I was so scared. I held my weeping friend when she feared for her loved ones’ life, and feared for my friends. I stared in wonder at a scene that until quite recently, I imagined could only happen in a movie. Whenever I feel comfortable, things change.

I listen to the words he’d say,
but in his voice I heard decay.
The plastic face forced to portray
all the insides left cold and grey.
There is a place that still remains,
it eats the fear, it eats the pain.
The sweetest price you’ll have to pay
the day the whole world went away.
– “The Day the World went away” by NIN

I have always been in love with the wilderness. My dad has always taken us out into the great beyond. Recently, out in the middle of North-Eastern Utah, hiking on alpine tundra, the wind whipping in your face, the clouds stretched out below the horizon . . . this is where I find peace. The trip to the mountain top is magical; conquering the beast that is large beyond comprehension brings energy to my stride. Sitting atop the rock scattering of a peak, where each direction is down, alone with the sky. Only when you are alone with nature, when you have only yourself to see yourself through this, when everything you need is on your own back, only then are you truly free.

I was preparing to go to a recent party, and I was informing various people I thought might wonder where I was of my plans. One girl in particular asked me if I was going to get drunk, and I responded, “Probably.” She glared at me, and gave me the impression that she thought less of me because of it. I knew some of what she was thinking, that alcohol isn’t needed for a good time, and that drinking isn’t healthy. But, Miss Princess, when I go to a party, and I invariably start to dance and sing, instead of glaring at me and saying “Your quota of song and dance for the day is up,” people would join in. I know it’s illegal, I know it’s not healthy, and I know I could get into a lot of bad situations because of doing it. Why do I drink, you ask me? In a world full of unspoken rules, leaving your inhibitions at the door can be a welcome change of pace.

Wither lies the road? No road! Into the unknown… – Friedrich Nietzsche

Thrust into a strange environment from which I know no escape, I could easily panic, because I am lost. I do not know where or who I am, and because I am lost I must find myself quickly, because being lost is not ideal. It is a testament to the power of the mind to be able to reverse the way you think about being lost, and immediately turn evil into good. Exploring is something frightening and exciting, turning over new leafs and walking through new doorways that have never been ventured before. Why be lost when you can explore? When you begin to go out of your way to be put into new and amazing experiences, you will have dropped the stigma linked to “being lost”, and will have become a true explorer.

I went to church today, which is not something I normally do. As I sat there through the hymns and prayers, I realized how bad I was behaving. I had my arms crossed, and my eyes kept wandering around the room. Here I am, a young open minded male, who is refusing to listen to others views because I didn’t agree with them. I base my life around arguing with others and voicing my opinion, and I couldn’t even begin to let it slip in my mind that any preconceived notion about the universe was wrong. Maybe this college boy isn’t as open minded as he thought he was.