Chapter 40: Clueless guy or psycho girl?

Scenario: Girl is complaining because her guy doesn’t know that she’s mad at him, so she gets madder.

I don’t quite understand what is so difficult here. I know I don’t know what you are thinking, so if you don’t tell me, I’m probably not going to figure it out. You said you were tired of telling me that you were mad at me. Well, I’m tired of you being mad at me!! It doesn’t help to know that you are mad at me; it helps to know how I can make you happy. Tell me what to do; don’t respect my ability to read your mind.

I admit it, I am just a guy. Not a renaissance man who will serenade you with poems and flowers at every turn of the corner. I can’t afford to take you to fancy restaurants every weekend, and frankly I can barely afford Wendy’s every weekend. I forget to call, I forget to visit, and I had a life before I met you that I’d like to continue to lead to a certain extent.

I didn’t see you in your winter hat from across the street, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care and was trying to avoid you. I didn’t see you since Thursday, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. If there is one thing that I dislike about women (and there is really so much to like), it is the obsession with being subtle. I may say stupid shit every once and a while, but at least I don’t expect everyone to spend hours poring over what I said to understand some finer detail.

I’ve been going out with you for over a semester, and I really like you. If I just took a mid term and I’m a little dazed, don’t take it as a personal attack if I am unresponsive when we walk a block together. If you find a guy that won’t do the things I do then you should run to him, I want you to be happy. But if you love me as I love you, then please let me fuddle my way through this.

– This is what I wish someone I know would say to his girlfriend. Again, I have no lady I am crooning over, but I am friends with both sides of a couple and I hate seeing the girl getting upset over things the guy doesn’t even know he’s doing.

Scenario: Girl and guy in car on turnpike. Girl is thirsty, a rest stop is coming up.
Girl – thought: (I am thirsty.)
Girl – speech: “Are you thirsty?”
Guy – thought: (Nope.)
Guy – speech: “Nope.”

Couple passes the rest stop

Girl – thought (I can’t believe I had sex with such an asshole!)
Girl – speech “Why did you pass it by? I was thirsty!”
Guy – thought: (But you didn’t say you were thirsty!)
Guy catches himself before he is hit with a purse
Guy – speech: “I’m sorry honey, I’ll stop at the next exit.”

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