Chapter 25: Thanksgiving

I’m tired. I spent an entire day with strangers, and only a few known quantities to rely on. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, but I found that I was increasingly quiet, more so than I normally am. I projected myself as a somewhat quiet, introspective kid. Do I want to be a quiet, introspective kid? Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But I am tired, but not just tired physically. I acted today, not knowingly, but as something that I had to do. I put on a performance to impress a dozen adults that I was someone who would meet their approval. I put on a performance with a college student so that he would think I was a cool guy he could relate to. And finally, I put on a performance for my friend, so that she would think more of me, so that she wouldn’t regret inviting me on this special day. Did I succeed? I don’t know yet, and I’m not sure if I will know. All I can be sure of is that I could have tried harder, and it sucks to know that. To know that you COULD have done more, that you COULD have been a little more charming. But I was acting, I was on stage in front of over a dozen peers and I didn’t give my all. I’m not a theater major. I’m tired of acting.