Categories
Chapters

Chapter 20: Major decision?

I have to start making that big decision: What am I going to major in? I’ve always wanted to do two things: program computer games, and build robots. Since I was in 8th grade I’ve made computer programs, although not as much in the last year or so. Last year I was in a school robotics team that made it to a national competition in Seattle, the highlight of that academic year. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life behind a desk, writing code, or working on schematics. I take relief in my dad. He got two degrees out of college, industrial ceramics and a mining degree. He now is the president of a construction company that makes embassies, not exactly what he wanted or started out to be. He told me that regardless of what I come out of college with, I will end up where I want, if that’s what I really want. Your major will give you a general push, but its things inherent in you, your ability to learn and deal with new things that will ultimately decide your success. I am in college to learn HOW to learn.

Categories
Chapters

Chapter 19: I am a big monkey

That’s all I am. I stink. I have hair all over my body. I hurt myself on regular occasions by doing stupid things. I want things I can’t have, even though it should be obvious I can’t have them. I’m hungry almost all the time, and I eat what tastes good, not what’s healthy. I run from things that scare me, and I do things solely to impress others. I’m lazy, not wanting to do much more than I absolutely have to. I want to work just hard enough so I can feed myself and any chick monkeys I happen to have at the time, and trust me, as a monkey I like having chick monkeys running around all over the place. My goals are simple: have fun being me, cause that’s all I am.

Categories
Chapters

Chapter 18: I am Sam’s masculinity

I have not been around in a long time. My transition from a heterosexual to a gay transsexual was quite rapid. I now lust for Billy Blanks. Of course he must be wearing a ballerina outfit with the crotch cut out. But the sad state I am now at I am not quite sure even Sam or I could explain that. But being Sam’s lack of masculinity I will try. It all started with a shower with Big Al. Later, Al would castrate Sam after a brutal fight about whose legs were sexier. Then Sam began cross dressing, because of lack of a penis. This is more or less how I have come to be. It was not all my fault; I occasionally tell Sam messages to hit on women. Sam only responds, “NO, girls have cooties”. It’s not my fault…” ~baconthefag

Due to some confusion, this was written by a friend of mine as a parody of Fight Club and my chapters.

Categories
Chapters

Chapter 17: Soap Opera Hoes

Somebody asked me today if I had a girlfriend, and I replied “nope.” “But why not?” they asked, and while I can’t claim I turn away an extraordinary amount of women, I can claim I won’t go out with anybody. I’m not desperate to get laid, to be loved, to party with the ladies, because that’s not everything. If you go out looking for a girlfriend, you end up finding girls who aren’t good girlfriends. If you go out with the intentions of being a nice person, and being proud of yourself and respecting others, while you might not go on many dates, you cut the hoes and soap operas out of your life.

Categories
Chapters

Chapter 16: Rocky Horror Picture Show

Tonight I lost my virginity. Well, not really (the last frontier still remains unconquered), but I did attend my first Rocky Horror Picture Show event. That is something everyone must do once. I was surrounded by transvestites and women in clothing the likes of which isn’t seen outside of Fredricks of Hollywood catalogs :-). Next year I plan to go in drag, and that my friends, is damn scary.

I’ve been to theatre and symphonies, but THAT was culture. – Jason MacDonald, on returning from the Rocky Horror Picture Show