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Chapter 121: The Devil went out to Utah

The Devil went out to Utah, he was lookin’ to relax
When stealin’ souls gets too old, he skis the double blacks,
When he came across this young man clad in skies and ridin’ ’em hot,
And the Devil jumped up in the middle of the bumps, said, “Boy, lemme tell you what,
I guess you didn’t know it, but I’m an alpine skier too,
And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you.
Now you ride pretty good powder, son, but give the Devil his due,
I’ll bet some goggles of gold against your soul ’cause I think I’m better than you.”
The boy said, “My name’s Justin, and it might be a sin,
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret,
Cause I’m the best that’s ever been.”

Justin wax up those skis, and ride those twintips hard,
cause Hell’s broke loose in Utah and the devil deals the cards.
And if you win, you’ll get this pair of goggles made of gold,
but if you lose, the devil gets your soul.

Well, the Devil stepped into his bindings and said, “I’ll start this show,”
And fire flew from his poles as he tucked the entry low.
And he cut hard before the jump and the snow made an evil hiss,
Then with a band of boarders shouting he nailed some wicked tricks:

(several sick ski tricks mixed with an evil guitar solo)

When the Devil finished, Justin said, “Well you’re pretty good, ski bum,
But before you ride the chair right there, let me show you how it’s done:”

Snow on the mountain, ride, boys, ride
(helicoptor ski trick)
The devil’s in the land where the Mormon’s hide
(triple spin with cross)
Drinking in the lodge and the tram ride up
(retrograde cowgirl)
I’m only in-bounds cause the damn gate’s shut
(some other totally sick move)

Well the Devil bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat,
And he laid the golden goggles on the ground at Justin’s feet,
And Justin said, “Devil, just come on back if you ever wanna try again,
I done told you once, you sonofabitch, I’m the best that’s ever been.”

Snow on the mountain, ride, boys, ride
The devil’s in the land where the Mormon’s hide
Drinking in the lodge and the tram ride up
I’m only in-bounds cause the damn gate’s shut

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Chapter 87: The Patent Examiner’s Song

somebody get out my drums and whiskey.

And it’s go boys go
They’ll count your every breath
And every bi-week in this place you’re two weeks nearer death
But you go…
::/chorus::

Well an Examiner am I and I’m telling you no lie
I search for things that meet just what the applicant defined
There’s paper all around me and there’s stillness in the air
There’s a number to be met and quite a stretch to get me there

::chorus::

Well I’ve searched through databases and I’ve seen my share of code
I’ve weeded through some claim trees that could make a donkey choke
I’ve fought with lawyers who refuse to listen or to learn
Been allowing stuff that looks so rough it’d make your stomach turn

::chorus::

There’s overtime and raises, opportunities galore
The young men like their flex-time and they all come back for more
But soon you’re thirty something and look balder than you should
For every count turned in Monday you pay with flesh and blood

::chorus::

Well an Examiner am I and I’m telling you no lie
I search for things that meet just what the applicant defined
There’s paper all around me and there’s stillness in the air
There’s a number to be met and quite a stretch to get me there

::chorus x 2::

… with apologies to Ron Angel

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Chapter 61: Fixed Formatting, or A College Graduate

rapping by me, beats forthcoming

the leaves have all fallen on the spots of ground
where i wander slowly fighting a persistant frown
i take down all the thoughts as they flow so fast
its very hard to find truth if you pass the class

fighting exhaustion, i start to open up the books
every (e)motion you make draws its share of looks
fighting those crooks of intellectual superiority
makes me want to redraw the plan of my priorities

cause historically i always knew i'd find the way
to make do with the stupid ways i'd make some pay
but they say life is living not some rascal poets
who bring heart to the visions they might show us

that it's bogus when they tell us we will succeed
in making it any easier to keep our women pleased
what he sees is a couldron of uncontrollable want
let me stutter up the student with a fluent taunt

that i know now what i didn't know then
that to do it correct is to do it again
and if i start over it'll be another no
the best i can do is to deliva the flow

because i know life is more than workin
and that college is the universal quirk
and i thinks i might just become a poet
cause we all lost, but they all know it

the usual methods of mayhem start coming up short
and the pilot of my instincts initiates the abort
cause before the skies to paradise remained clear
apart from the subtle subtext contributin to fear

i did hear of a man once whod made it all the way
only to sit down and been immediately turned away
they say to live happily is really live in denial
i might listen after i've been asleep for a while

through out history, the old ideas haven't failed
like an old loaf of bread all whithered and stale
the world promised when youre growing always dies
to be replaced with a sense of longing, some lies

have a way of comforting the fact youl never know
but you turn away, and feel the ever present glow
of uncertainty, some fear, and unbelievable doubt
without which we would have nothing to sing about

said i know now what i didn't know then
that to do it correct is to do it again
and if i start over it'll be another no
the best i can do is to deliva the flow

because i know life is more than workin
and that college is the universal quirk
and i thinks i might just become a poet
cause we all lost, but they all know it

you always asked me what i wanted to go out an be
an i always replied i dont know lets wait and see
at the time it was a smart response without depth
but its beginning to come clear that ill be swept

off of any steady rock i cling on to for too long
it turns out livin for the moment isnt very wrong
so as i pack up my suitcase and load my dirty car
just remember youll never really know who you are